smelling the magnolias

let's talk about religion

2011-07-31T20:03:00.003+08:00

we're all taught not to talk about two things in life: politics and religion, it's better that we talk about something as mundane as the weather rather than talk about these two things and end up offending someone. a recent faux pas made me ask, why do we not talk about religion?
a friend and i were texting about our work woes and how we absolutely would want to be able to move on to something better. we exchanged ideas and suggestions for each other. the last text i sent her was asking if she prays novenas because i found a novena for those seeking work. she didn't reply but i was so eager to share the novena to her so when i got to work that night i immediately hurried to her cubicle and handed her the leaflet for the novena to saint cajetan, patron saint of those seeking for work. it took her about another hour to tell me through email that she can't use what i gave her because she's not catholic. i was so embarrassed and i felt my face turn red when i read that email. if you live in a country like the philippines where one religion is predominant than any others, one can become presumptuous like me. since my friend didn't reply i thought that she could just be like me, a catholic like a whole lot of filipinos. maybe in certain situations we should talk about religion, politics and whatever else is considered taboo, we all just need to find a balance so as not to offend anyone.

more than a year

2011-07-09T21:40:00.005+08:00

i haven't posted anything or tried to write anything except for what is assigned in the company newsletter in ages. i miss writing and how my thoughts can be arranged to form sentences and paragraph that forms a thought and sends a message that hopefully anyone or maybe no one gets to read. i once read in stephen king's memoir, "on writing" that if you want to be a writer you have to spare time everyday to write and have a place where writing can be conducive. i certainly don't have that discipline or that place, i wish i have that though. i mostly just complain about stress or lack of sleep as reasons for lack of inspiration to write. i have a list and i have notes on things i should write in my blog or my journal going as far back as 2008 and i never really am able to cross out some things off my list.

i get too distracted and i let my moods most of the time get in the way. the truth is facebook and twitter has been so tantalizing. a blog can't compete with 140 characters of a tweet and anything posted in facebook could get instant gratification knowing that someone clicking the like button there's an audience on what's on my mind. my mid year resolution should be: to start writing, cross my fingers i should be able to fulfill that.

on my list

2010-04-04T16:35:00.002+08:00

interesting books that may make anyone think twice about marriage and these are stories of real people and their marriages.

inspiration

2010-02-12T15:03:00.003+08:00

i watched julie and julia two days ago and i was inspired to write again. i have always been a moody writer. it's all about the inspiration for me. whether i am getting paid for writing or writing for pleasure, my output still always depended on my mood. while watching julie and julia i thought i could push myself to write again. there is so much in my head that i could write about. so many books, news articles, movies, instances, incidents, and the little things in life that i could write about that would help me become a better storyteller and a better writer.
in my list of to blog about:
1. my sherlock holmes movie review
2. my julie and julia book review
3. what really happened when i lost my phone
4. my current book wish list
the list i hope goes on.............

What Now, Krista? Unsolicited advice from talent managers and PR pros | Spot.PH

2009-11-27T10:55:00.001+08:00

What Now, Krista? Unsolicited advice from talent managers and PR pros | Spot.PH

I can't help but jump on the Krista and Manny rumored love affair. It was hot news last week and I know I'm a bit late but still I think it's worth writing about. I don't know Krista Ranillo that much but I know that their family is related to my maternal grand mother's family. A connection I'm not so proud about and a connection they're not so proud about either and only acknowledge every time Matt Ranillo tries to bid for a political post in Zamboanga del Norte.
Like any thinking and sane Filipino I go for the underdog, in this case Jinkee, the wife. She may be toting LVs and Chanels but still she is the poor and suffering wife. In any culture the "mistress" is always portrayed as the devil incarnate and the temptress. I can't help but wonder why the blame isn't also put towards the guy, Manny in this case. If he had as much discipline with his personal life as he does with his boxing we wouldn't be talking about this affair. His success in the boxing ring and whatever spotlight is being put towards him and thus the Philippines in the process has been eclipsed by this affair. Most times when success gets to your head and one thinks that nothing can destroy his image, I'd like to say "Think Again MANNY". This affair has left us with distaste. A lot of Filipino women are willing to take Jinkee's side and boycott you no matter what pride and glory you bring to the country. Infidelity speaks volumes about a person's character. Cheating on one's wife is unforgivable but to do it in a public arena where part of the path you take in life is to be famous for what you do, is more unforgivable. For being a sports legend comes with responsibility not just on what you choose to do but also with what you do in your personal life.

on the loop

2009-11-15T18:26:00.002+08:00

these 2 songs are my current favorites. i don't know how many times i have listened to these 2 songs in the past week. i know i am just like a kid excited in something new i can't let go of my new thing. i am in love with the lyrics and the melody of these songs and when i am not listening i keep repeating them in my head.
leona lewis' "happy" invokes something in me that reminds me to just let go and be happy; to sometimes think that my own happiness should come before consideration of other people or things. my favorite lines from this song is that reminder i am talking about; "so what if it hurts me? so what if i break down? so what if this world throws me off the edge my feet run out off the ground i gotta find myself i wanna hear my sound don't care about other pain in front of me cause i am just trying to be happy." it's almost selfish when i think that i want to put my own happiness before others but it also makes perfect sense how can i share what i don't have right? i need to find my own happiness before i radiate it to the world.
kris allen's "live like we're dying" reminds me again of what's important or rather who. this particular line made me think "who would you call with your last good byes?", i guess my call list would change from time to time but the changes would be so minimal, in my 28 years somehow i know now the people that matters and who should be included on that list.

CNN Heroes

2009-10-05T08:00:00.002+08:00

i failed to mention this

2009-09-03T07:26:00.002+08:00

on my 28th birthday my sister gave me this book. this is a gift from a sister who has had enough and had to intervene on the fact that spinsterhood could be my fate because i still am pinning my hopes on a gay guy. i refuse to mention who he is out of that tiny respect i still have for myself. i haven't read the book but i skimmed through the book and it seemed fun to read.

opinion

2009-08-16T22:27:00.002+08:00

i know i have repeatedly been quoted that i won't ever blog about my opinions on public issues that could haunt me at some later time except for my stand in tibet which i posted in my friendster blog. i am known for being straightforward and someone who wears her opinion in her sleeve during conversations or mostly when i am talking, to be honest (with all the pun intended on this phrase), but i have always been careful about what i write in the world wide web because just like the other www that is the wild, wild west the internet is a place where a person can be free to express one's opinion but it does come with the price of being open to ridicule or simply outrage from anyone who comes across what has already been written. i may always have the option to delete what i have posted but deleting doesn't change anything, i still wrote what i wrote so i choose what to write about and mostly i don't comment on social issues and headlines. these topics are raw and bring out emotions to a lot of people, i am a very private person who talks a lot but still a lot of people find me an enigma. my opinions are stuck in my head and i at times ask myself why not blog about after all, i think with all the reading i do i am pretty well informed when i open my mouth. it's a choice just like everything in life.

there is one current issue though that i'd like to talk about. i feel strongly about the issue and i know that a lot of people might not agree with me and i might draw ire from whoever has time to read my blog but i'll write about it anyway. it's about the lavish dinners that pres. macapagal-arroyo had in the u.s. frankly when i heard about it and the overreaction i can't seem to understand all the hoopla. sorry but i do think that a head of state is worthy of such dinner whether she is a head of state of a first world or a third world country. she can have dinner anywhere she wants what i probably would disagree was the sheer number of hangers-on who came with her to that dinner if they have kept the number of people at a certain number the dinner could just have ended in thousands instead of tens of thousands of dollars but anyway no matter how much the tab would have ended up for whoever truly paid for those dinners, she'll still be under scrutiny. it was a no win situation for a person that is the center of all our scrutiny but come on for sure there are people worst than pres. macapagal-arroyo and we're just pinning all of our attention on her because she's the one in the top position. we the masses are being dragged to take sides on personal vendettas of every opposition group that has ever been formed in this country. we get certain headlines played over and over again because someone pushes certain issues into public light and some just get swept under the rug. we are all just taking a roller coaster ride from one breaking news to the other and nothing concrete ever gets done anyway except for a senate inquiry that makes our senate look like csi rather than a legislating body. it's tiring and it has been vicious cycle of issue then senate inquiry then nothing. yesterday i saw a headline about the pres. macapagal-arroyo's trips abroad having overspent around P1.6bn who cares at least those trips bring some investments back to the country unlike a certain president who barely traveled because of the obvious reason that his head was so empty or was he too drunk to have a decent talk with any of his counterparts during his time. let the president have dinner wherever she wants to. for sure if she had dinner at a sabrett hotdog stand in new york we would all be wagging our tongues too about how unbecoming of her.

Missing Bob Blummer

2009-07-19T03:04:00.003+08:00

It was about 36 hours after this event that I was able to see this congratulatory notice in my inbox. It's not Discovery Travel and Living's fault, it is entirely my fault that I don't check my emails as often as I used to. I have made a schedule that I only check my personal emails on weekends which is entirely at times useless because there are certain things that needs to be checked in the middle of the week. I have always thought about getting a blackberry but have also thought about my addictive tendencies. I won't discuss that much but lately truth be told I am mostly out of touch whether it's texting or a simple phone call. I guess I'll blame it on the night shift for the mean time or my crazy hormones.

Too bad I am such a big fan of this food and travel shows that Discovery Travel and Living airs. I specifically like Bob Blummer's shows because he's not afraid to look like a fool on the challenges he does for Glutton for Punishment and even if it's trivial I do pick some bits of information from his show. Some bits that might be helpful if I might end in one of the destinations that the show has featured. Who knows?

the last 2 movies i recently saw

2009-05-18T12:08:00.004+08:00

my new work environment has been allowing me a lot of free time for myself. i still am at work for 9 hours a day but that's about it nothing extra and it's very rare that i get to do overtime, 1 hour is the most overtime work i do. with that i am able to schedule what i want to do from my laundry, to my dog's grooming, my email time except for my blogging because work is routine that it hardly stimulates me to write. besides with the bank's rules on what could and couldn't be written about work, i don't have time to dissect which stuff that happens at work would place me in a hot spot. so i don't blog about work and i only talk about work in such an abstract manner enough for everyone to know that i am working

i haven't paid for a movie that i have seen in the cinema for about 2 years which also meant i didn't get to choose what i could watch but this past week with free time and no free movies i decided it's about time to start paying for movies again.

the first movie i watched was star trek. i was a bit skeptical about the possibility of liking it. new york times gave a positive review and ben lyons from e news gave it a positive review as well so i thought it could just possibly be something worth watching but i still had my doubts . my sister convinced me to watch it. i have to be honest i was a bit half-hearted when i entered the cinema but i wasn't feeling that way anymore when i went out. i was entertained and not being a trekkie i still had a wonderful time. i am anticipating the next star trek movie. if only they made the tv series the way the movie was made i would have been a fan a long time ago. it also doesn't hurt that chris pine and zachary quinto were so good looking that it made the movie all the more interesting.

i couldn't post this blog without mentioning that i watched "angels and demons", i missed church last sunday because i had to work saturday shift in exchange of one weekday off and after shift of course i spent the whole day sleeping only to be woken up sometime 7:30pm sunday night with the promise that i'll get to eat mcdonald's for dinner if i get out of bed and a movie is in store. so i ended up at the movie in the last run of the movie for that day. my catholic guilt weighing heavily on me that i managed to skip church but was able to watch a somewhat less scandalous dan brown book turned into a hollywood blockbuster. i have to say that i like angels and demons better than the da vinci code. i didn't sleep at all while watching unlike during da vinci code and although i felt like tom hanks was a tourist guide rather than a specialist taken by the swiss guards to assist in a criminal mystery, i was paying attention. ewan mcgregor and stelan skarsgard played their parts so well they stood out but what stood out the most was the setting, vatican and rome itself is the star of this movie. if there's something good about this movie it promoted that part of the world so well they could have replaced lonely planet guides for a little while there.

by thursday i have another movie to watch, hopefully i will exert effort to write about it.

another entry, another contest, still didn't win

2009-04-19T23:06:00.003+08:00

i just claimed the consolation prize for the contest on which i entered this article for. at some point after two writing contest that i didn't even get into the top 3, i am starting to think that i may just be average and not exceptional. i used to write for my personal consumption until some encouragement from people who are very close to me that they had the privilege to read a few of what i have written. it took quite a lot for me to start a blog and give my thoughts a very public audience; it took more for me to have certain articles for judgment. after the self doubt though, i thought why not share more, practice does make perfect and maybe someday i might just get to the point that i may become exceptional.

The Unexpected Presentation of an Adventure

My fascination with the English language has led me to my life long love affair with reading. I have always liked hearing people speak the English language that, one very vivid childhood memory of mine was grabbing a random book on a stack in front my mother and asking her to read to me. Interrupting her preparation for a lecture, she indulged me. Even if it didn’t matter at all what she was reading, for me listening to her properly enunciating every word was bliss but happiness came when I learned to read on my own. I read mostly school textbooks aloud when I first started to learn, I left the storybooks for my mother to read to me during bedtime. Reading my school books aloud was pure narcissism on my part, the auditory version at least which was also a sly way of catching my parents’ attention as if I cut short of saying it directly that I was being diligent with my homework presenting an air of precociousness that only a child could muster.

Reading for my own pleasure, away from the necessity of learning took a turn one summer; I was 9 years old at that time. Summer breaks are always agonizingly boring and dragging for a child like me who preferred to stay indoors and not get dirty and sweaty under the summer sun playing “patintero or tumbang preso”. Getting holed inside the house for two straight months isn’t that much fun even if for a week or two of those two months parents in their frustration of having the kids around all day, everyday would propose a getaway or two. Getaways can only satiate a bored child for as long as it could. I could always remember that exact moment when I stood up from my bed after staring at the bookcase for most of the afternoon, walked towards the opposite end of my room where a modestly filled bookcase stood, did a lot more staring at the books by then and finally deciding on a particular book. I grabbed the Companion Library double book edition which contained “The Wizard of Oz” by L. Frank Baum and “The Jungle Book” by Rudyard Kipling. While I could remember the moment I can’t remember the reason why I chose “The Wizard of Oz” over “The Jungle Book”. I read “The Wizard of Oz” with a sense of urgency and tenaciousness that only boredom could have brought about. I was so enthralled by L. Frank Baum’s classic story of young Dorothy blown away to Oz from Kansas with her dog Toto inside the tiny house she shared with Aunt Em and Uncle Henry. Oh, how much have I wished for everything in the book to be true and what I‘d give at that time to walk in the yellow brick road. I cried when Tin Woodman got his heart, Cowardly Lion got courage, and Scarecrow received his brain. I cried all the more when the wizard flew away in the balloon leaving Dorothy behind. I wiped my tears away when I knew that Dorothy with the help of Glinda the Good Witch found a way back to Kansas with the help of the magical ruby shoes. The mention of the ruby shoes started another fascination for me apart from reading, the shoe addiction but that is entirely another story. Reading “The Wizard of Oz” presented an adventure that I could never experience in my life and transported me to another place and time. It is perhaps happenstance that when my sister 10 years younger than I, asked me one summer break when she was about 8 years old if I could recommend a book she could read and help her pass time, I immediately suggested what else but “ The Wizard of Oz”. This book single handedly started my passion for reading and experiencing adventures in print.

Reading since then has become something constant in my life. Reading is my solace, my stress reliever, my past time, and the source of what I want to achieve in life. Reading has become such a great part in my life that my bookcase is no longer modestly filled. It has tripled its size, but then I am not good with my estimates so it could be more than that, because the sheer number of books I have purchased to read and plan to read is the answer to my mother’s question of where my salary goes. I still hope for more books to come even if looking for space at home for my books has escalated into a certified emergency. All these is simply because L. Frank Baum presented me with one great adventure that one summer in my childhood, I was taken forever and I never wanted it to end at all.

krispy kreme karnival

2009-03-28T18:57:00.007+08:00

this blog post will be completely inadequate of photographs and vocabulary to describe my delight on having a reason to eat and eat something as sinful as krispy kreme's chocolate glazed donuts. my sister and i attended the launch of krispy kreme's chocolate karnival and the event was a sensory overload. the bonifacio high street store of krispy kreme was jam packed with people that somehow it distracted me from taking photographs during the event. i was a willing participant in the featured games and well i was busy tasting what's behind the glass display cases that after the event these photographs are what we managed to take from my netbook. the only other reminder that we attended the event are the two empty boxes of krispy kreme donuts in the trash and the yet to be read and opened press kit that was handed to us.

the donuts was the main focus of the event so i will talk about it a bit. the chocolate glazed donuts were a sure winner, i can't seem to get enough of it especially when fresh, hot and dripping of chocolate, it was sinfully delightful that it didn't matter if chocolate smeared on my face. i love the original glazed donuts and i didn't have trouble liking the chocolate version. attending the event made me feel that i should treasure my current job because it is giving me enough time for things like this. it makes me think what next........pizza maybe.

book wish list again

2009-02-11T20:47:00.003+08:00

looking space for my books has been escalated into a real emergency in our household. my books have spilled onto the floor due to lack of space in the bookcase that my mom gave me. the lack of space though hasn't stopped me from wanting to buy more. this two books are on my current wish list.

step brothers, the movie

2009-02-09T19:31:00.003+08:00

Step brothers, the movie is one of my latest DVD watch. While I laughed at its gross-out, slapstick comedy, I also in part felt insulted by the fact that the plot just seems impossible. The main characters Brennan(Will Ferrell) and Dale(John C. Reilly) are two 40-year old men who for some reason their respective single parents missed on the diagnosis of being mentally incapacitated after the fact that Dale's father is a medical doctor. Everything in the movie just is preposterous and I can't for a lot of reasons find a reason why this was even made into a movie. Yes, I laughed at most of the grossly inappropriate jokes but I was very insulted intellectually at the same time. I'm not Nobel prize smart but I have a brain and it's fairly functioning that's why I know that this movie is plain trash.

a busted gaydar and getting help from my sister to fix it

2009-02-08T02:14:00.003+08:00

last weekend while at booksale, a used bookstore, my sister decided to buy this book for me. god knows and she knows i need this book and more to help me fix my busted gaydar. i have a hard time distinguishing gay men from straight men and even if i know they're gay at times i still get attracted to them. biggest primary example are nate berkus and the queer eye for the straight guy gays, the list goes a bit longer but out of shame i'll end the name dropping of my gay crushes. gay crushes which at times i seem to refuse to believe they are gay as if when they are straight i'd ever get a chance to be with them. silly but true.

i know a guy is gay only and when i am closely interacting with him but i can't spot a gay guy from say a party, some people have that talent that they can spot a gay guy from one encounter. also of course i would know if a guy is gay when he's done a bebe gandanghari (transvestite) in public. being gay isn't bad at all and in my eyes just fabulous but when my sister bought the book for me, i know she has had enough of my social faux pas, dreaming too much on gay men.

i still haven't read the book, i have scanned through it and had quite a laugh. i know one book wouldn't fix everything but i hope it's a start. the weird thing is i am related to a number gay men and i grew up knowing them. maybe to me being gay was just so natural that it didn't feel out of the usual heterosexual attraction that for me getting attracted to gay men is normal. i've never been attracted to another girl and i know i like men on which the truth is i either get attracted to loser guys or right gays and that needs remedy or else i'll forever be floundering in love and relationship limbo.

Australia

2009-01-22T22:15:00.002+08:00

Australia the movie has been described as an epic romantic adventure which impresses upon the viewer that it is more than that three word description. It has a bit of everything from a Western, a World War II epic, a Romantic movie, and even Historical-Social Awareness of Australia's past. It even felt like a travelogue with the dramatic landscapes of the country being featured in the movie.

I was curious about this movie because it created so much backlash on Nicole Kidman on her acting and I can't seem to grasp why an Oscar award winner would garner so much harsh criticism from the blogosphere. Being blessed again with an invitation to the press premier of Australia here in Manila, I didn't let the chance pass by to check out the reason why, because from what I read in Newsweek in their December 8, 2008 issue, it seemed to praise the movie and Nicole Kidman in a good and a moderate way.

The movie runs for almost 3 hours and I know how most of the time a movie that runs that long could become tedious, I never felt that with Australia. Visually it was captivating. What it showed the world was a part of Australia that would make anyone want to take on an adventure to experience and see those parts of the country. Add to fact that Hugh Jackman was simply pleasing to look at, proving that he really is the sexiest man alive. There's something about the movie no matter how grand and how visually stunning it was made me felt that there's something lacking. Believe it or not I still felt it needed something which I cannot fully express after almost 3 hours in the cinema. The movie didn't disappoint though I was entertained, it served its purpose to entertain me and transport me into another place and time.

One other aspect of the movie that has grabbed my attention right from the very start were the costume and props. Nicole Kidman's character Lady Sarah Ashley was exquisite right from the very opening scene and that luggage set she used was just divine. From what I have read in the Media Kit that was handed to me during the movie premier the luggage set was custom made by Prada and the footwear is from Salvatore Ferregamo. The costume alone felt like it was a part of the cast rather than pieces of clothing worn by the actors.

Australia is a departure from the hyper energized movies that Baz Lurhmann is known for. In Australia he focused on emotions, from the romance of Lara Sarah Ashley with the Drover, Hugh Jackman's character and the bond that formed with Lady Sarah and the half caste boy named Nullah, played by the newcomer Brandon Walters. Mr. Lurhmann succeeded in conveying the emotions across the viewers, I swooned when the Drover made his entrance to the ball, I cried when Lady Sarah and Nullah were forcibly separated at the pier and I was happy that Lady Sarah, the Drover, and Nullah had a happy ending while the bad guys meet their proper fate and demise.

a very good 2009

2009-01-16T22:42:00.003+08:00

this year i chose not to write the about the best christmas gift that i received; truth is i didn't receive much last christmas which was perfectly okay with me because i got more than what i wanted for, before christmas day and after christmas day. last december 18, 2008 i received an email from marie claire philippines that i won gift certificates from l'oreal from a contest that i joined featured in the magazine last november; a lovely surprise indeed. i haven't claimed the gift certificates as of this time as there were changes needed to be done on the gift certificates but hopefully sometime next week i'll be able to. it was for me something to look forward to since i would be claiming it by january 2009 when offices resume business after the long holiday.

i got a bigger surprise when i saw this while updating my resume for a renewed effort to job hunt in jobmarketonline.com. this made me blink and stare at the page for a minute or two. i was so delighted and overly ecstatic, it may not be my dream laptop but i won it and now it's part of my collection of lucky charms. for the past week that i have it i can't seem to contain my joy. i would use my new laptop and a smile would be plastered on my face. i also can't seem to stop saying how cute it is. its features does have its shortcomings but i can live with it. i still need a laptop bag and a router here at home but i am bliss still from winning something significant.

for years now, one of my biggest pastime is to join contests, whether online or raffles from department stores or magazine promos. i have won quite a number of them. i even won the lotto once for about P2,000. i can't say i am very lucky but i do have my lucky moments. these prizes were a wonderful way to welcome 2009 which makes we want to say "keep 'em rolling".

Yes Man

2009-01-15T18:25:00.004+08:00

The best things in life are free and I have to say that's true. I have to admit that I was a bit hesitant to say "yes" to the invitational press premiere of the movie "Yes Man" because to be honest I'm not a very big fan of Jim Carrey. I'm glad I said yes, after all a free movie is a free movie, besides I'll be in the area where the premiere will be held anyway.

The movie is about the life of a man named Carl Allen who's stuck in a dead end job and a very boring existence out of choice after what seemed to be a presumably very sad episode of divorce. Out of choice he cut himself off from his friends and his idea of fun was watching dvd after dvd of just about any movie he could find in the local friendly neighborhood video store. Carl's life changed when he attended a seminar recommended by an old colleague, the "Yes Seminar". Somehow in the process after attending that seminar he said yes to life and life happened for him. The movie in my opinion comes out of typical romantic comedy cookie cutter type in Hollywood. Sad guy finds a reason to start life again, finds a girl, trouble brews along the way, girl leaves guy and then guy finds a way to get the girl and they live happily ever after. The usual Jim Carrey antics were present but entertaining this time and not at all distasteful. The one redeeming quality of the movie that makes it a must see is the fact the from the moment it starts it guarantees a laugh fest. After the credits rolls everyone in the cinema clapped their hands because truly it was funny and it was fun. The idea of saying yes to every thing that life presents seems promising because of that movie.

Now, I am ready to say "Yes" to the next movie premiere.

additional chritsmas message

2009-01-03T23:20:00.003+08:00

while i skipped on e-cards this year. i wrote this email to everyone on my yahoo contacts unfortunately i forgot i have 4 other email addresses but i think that yahoo email address after owning it for so long covers almost everyone i know and have known in my life. what inspired me to write this email is the homily of fr. gerry batad, sdb on christmas eve. i was jolted by his message and how he describe chritsmas of today the commercial and the religious one. i came to realize that although i loved christmas for as long as i could remember, i have been celebrating christmas the commercial way and even the joy of shopping for gifts and carefully wrapping each gift myself, slowly each year, it was becoming a daunting task and the joy of giving is slowly dissipating. i sat in front of the computer for a while and i decided to re-examine my thoughts on christmas and before i left for a dinner invitation on christmas day of 2008. i decided it wasn't too late to write this:

this christmas while i was able to do my snail mails, i kind of decided to skip my almost yearly e-cards. i thought i'd get a better on time response on yahoo messenger and sms. so i skipped sending out e-cards for christmas, went on texting everyone on my phone book and left offline messages on my ym list. i got a better response in terms of those who replied but i still felt a bit underwhelmed on myself, it is as if there's something missing. one big reason i skipped e-cards this year is that i can't seem to think of what to write and what i really would like to relay across. the holidays seemed to blur through me because i was so wrapped up in my last week before i resigned at work i never really had any moment to soak up the holiday feeling. as usual it is work that made me into almost "scrooge like" mode. i get so immersed in work i always end up not living my life. by the time i had time in my hands, i am just scraped bare and i really can't seem to share christmas cheer. today christmas day, i somehow realized what i want to say, a very simple and heartfelt "merry christmas to everyone". no politically correct "happy holidays" but good old merry christmas. christmas isn't about me and whatever is wrong in my life, it's the celebration of the nativity of christ. i seemed to have forgotten how i use to love christmas no matter what. i hope that everyone just like me will realize that christmas isn't just about us, it's about christ and it's a day we should celebrate no matter what.

merry christmas everyone!

i found joy and i felt christmas while writing and sending it to my friends. somehow the spirit of christmas was with me. i went to that dinner invitation feeling that christmas truly has came.

holiday greetings

2008-12-19T21:07:00.003+08:00

while i still haven't gotten around to doing my christmas e-cards and i haven't snail mailed about 2 quarters of the christmas cards i wrote this year i thought i'd start posting something in my blogs, something general for my greetings to come across to everyone.

happy holidays to everyone who takes the time to check my blogs once in a while. i'll try my best to be a better blogger this coming year by posting more and no post too far in between. there's nothing worse than a blog with nothing but stale posts on it.

one thing i found out about myself

2008-12-02T23:15:00.002+08:00

the term deviated septum always conjures up images of malin akerman's lila in the movie "the heartbreak kid". while i didn't get any bones broken during the accident not even a hairline fracture, one thing that the doctor saw in my x-rays was a deviated septum leaning towards the left possibly i was born with it. i do remember when i was around 13 years old i bumped into a post face first, maybe that could be the cause and i never just felt anything at that time. i never did suspect i have the condition, physically it isn't visible and i don't have the common symptoms of obstructed breathing, nose bleeds, or congested nose. one thing that i always bring up is maybe it's the main reason why i can't sing a note in tune to save my life and i now have a valid reason to have a nose job, a septoplasty though not a rhinoplasty.

while waiting

2008-11-30T23:19:00.003+08:00

while waiting at the e.r. i came across this flyer and signed up to be an eye donor for the eye bank foundation of the philippines. it's for a good cause, i made my mom and sister sign the form as my witness. it's reasssuring to know that someday when and if something tragic does happen to me, i will still be of help to someone in need.

it took me two weeks to finally post this not just out of procrastination but because i couldn't find the scanned file of this form. silly reason but true. i finally just scanned the form again, which i don't know why i didn't do in first place. sometimes being human means being silly for a lot of times over our lifetime.

life

2008-11-30T21:50:00.002+08:00

the very first question that my sister, lei asked me when she got to the hospital e.r., was if at impact did my life flash before me? i knew i wasn't going to die wednesday morning because although i was so certain that the tricycle i was riding in would collide with another tricycle in front of it, my life didn't flash before me and it wasn't the typical philippine public transport road accident wherein reckless driving was so evident, none of that scenario was present. the tricycle was running at a maximum of 20kph. when it happened i calmly crawled out of the tricycle, picked up my handbag and my canvass bag sprawled in the pavement, handed out some baby wipes and headed to the hospital. i had that much composure, i knew what i should do and i was so sure to at least reassure my mom before she gets the call either from me or from the hospital that somehow i am already being taken care of.

luckily it was running at that speed had it been running more than that, then my life would have probably flashed and i would have sustained more than contusions and gashes. the double dose of tramadol from the hospital and my adrenalin to get out from inside the tricycle the moment the collision happened made me say i was okay the whole day. the truth is when effects of both wore out by night time i can feel my whole body ache. the next morning the pain was more evident but for some reason i got up ready to go back to work. i don't love my job that much, in fact i'm in the verge of quitting but to show my boss that i am more than what she thinks that i am, i showed up at work all swollen in the face and all.

this accident is about the only third time in my entire 27 years that i ended up in a hospital e.r. because of me and not because of my brother or sister. i am somewhat different from both of them, i rarely get sick and if i do, it's the type that only merit a visit to the doctor's clinic nothing as complicated as my brother or sister have gone through. my mom as my sister told me panicked and woke up the whole house when she got my call, the hospital's call came a bit later when they have already left the house to come to the hospital. i got that sense of panic when i was telling her on the phone what happened to me, an exact opposite of my boss who even after being informed of what happened sent me a text message and gave information of a project to be rushed and told me the following day that she expected me to come to work right after the hospital.

after the accident, i still take the tricycle and nothing has really changed. i don't have poignant realizations nor long pauses to think about things. surely i am thankful to be alive. for most parts life is back to normal maybe i want to have time to rest more. i was hoping for that, wait maybe i secretly wished for it to happen so i could skip work but on the contrary i didn't get it if one day out of work quantifies time off work because of vehicular accident. instead what my boss showed me was another reason to leave the soonest because of her insensitivity.

on using the word "hate"

2008-11-09T01:01:00.002+08:00

for about two weeks i kept thinking how i heard my boss mention that she hated one of my co-workers for not following company policy. what stuck to my mind was how she casually used the word hate over such very minor infraction with matching all the facial contortions to go with such a strong and emotional word. looking at her at that very moment i zoned out and i simply didn't want to listen to her rantings about my co-worker. she could have settled it with that person and being the boss that she is she should have pointed out that she disapproves whatever my co-worker's actions were.

in today's society as much as we are so obsessed with our quest for love, to love and be loved, we're not so careful on using certain words or terminologies that carry so much negative weight. there's always the word dislike or disapprove that can be used instead of the word hate. someone once told me to tone down using the word hate over minor things like how i would use to say that i hate japanese food, he suggested that maybe i should just say i dislike japanese food. he said that i should reserve the word hate for extreme situations that would merit usage of the word. all these years i kept his advice into mind and yes it did lessen the negativity in my life. being positive should start somewhere even switching and refining one's usage of words believe it or not could spell the difference.

blogging and working

2008-10-18T16:11:00.003+08:00

hats off to those people who work and can still blog. i started working some two and a half months ago and i haven't blogged ever since. it's not the lack of material to write about but it's more the lack of time to do so. the industry that i work for, the fashion industry would have been such a delightful source of updated juicy information but i guess working with a lot of arrogant airheads has rubbed off on me that i find myself rather less articulate and less versed than i was when i was jobless. ah, i miss the domesticity of being jobless that has been brought on me, at least that period of my life has led me to explore what i really am interested in, reading and writing.

work does feel like work, no matter how elegantly decorated my work place is and no matter how i am surrounded by so much luxury goods that a girl could ever dream of. going to work feels like stepping into heaven but interacting with the people i work with is like hell. i sometimes wonder if it is just me or is it them? am i not a girl who loves fashion? why am i not enjoying this job who a lot of girls dream of, to be a part of the fashion scene, wasn't it exciting then when i was starting? the romance has faded and it has gone stale. the stark reality behind the all the manolos and the dolces and the make-up and the bling has faded. there was a day this past week that i aksed myself, if it's time to waltz out of work and never look back. maybe, maybe not yet.

job opportunity (project manager)

2008-08-18T23:44:00.004+08:00

i don't know how much traffic my blog gets but i'll take my chances. i've recently started work and one of my very first assignments in my glorified "slave" position is to find a project engineer that would supervise construction and renovation for the stores of the retail company that i work for. since i like my boss and my job i want to make a good impression. so i am posting this hoping that this will be fruitful and will yield a number of resumes in my email.i am looking for a project manager in house or per project basis, a graduate of architecture or civil engineering or mechanical engineering. an experience in construction would be a plus point. if anyone is interested please email me at ldb@adora.ph. oh by the way the pay is good and i can attest to that i work for the company.

Bangsamoro Juridical Entity Opposer

2008-08-07T23:50:00.002+08:00

I strongly oppose the Bangsamoro Juridical Entity MOA. I was born in Mindanao, Dipolog City, Zamboanga del Norte to be exact, although it won't be included in what is described as "a widen version of the ARMM". I don't think this Muslim groups will stop till they get the whole Mindanao for themselves. I am sorry but I can't be sympathetic to the idea that the BJE is for peace, it sounds and looks more like a pacifier for the very power greedy throwing a tantrum and Malacanang can't do anyhting about it except hand over what they want. I won't be surprised if one these days the MNLF or MILF or whoever decides to pick up the cause of the "poor plight of the Filipino Muslims" would ask for the whole country to be handed over to them.

I am apolitical even during the time that I worked for a politician but I can't help but voice my opinion mixed with very personal concerns with regards to the explosion of the news with regards to the BJE MOA. This issue does hit close to home. The BJE did creep out of nowhere. No one was really aware about it except for those who were involved in the process of this deal. I hope that this BJE MOA will never see full realization because Mindanao isn't just for the MILF or Muslims, there are other people who lives there who wouldn't want to be under a Muslim dominated rule.

my recent book wishlist

2008-08-05T17:50:00.007+08:00

my obsession for books hasn't waned. this is my recent book wish list.

delightful graphics

2008-08-05T17:42:00.004+08:00

sheila sent me an email with such delightful graphics that amused me so much. the words were a bit cheesy but i decided to save and post here on my blog 2 of my favorite out of 8 graphics in that email.

1. this one seems like the ducks were fighting but the the pop-up would reveal that they're arguing in a rather amusing way about being best friends.

2. this image of the peanuts gang is very reminiscent of my childhood days watching loads videos from our then vcr. those were the good old days.

tales of beedle the bard by j.k. rowling

2008-08-01T16:49:00.003+08:00

sometime ago this book came out, about seven copies of the handwritten original that j.k. rowling gave to the certain people that she felt deserved to have that gem of a book. one was auctioned for about $4 million sold to amazon. now it is made available. i can't describe how giddy i felt when i opened an email from barnes and noble with this book as the message. i can't wait for it to come out. as everyone knows the tales of beedle the bard is the book that hermione inherited from dumbledore. so much of the tales has helped the trio of hermione, ron, and harry on the seventh book.

go on girl

2008-07-30T03:12:00.003+08:00

i love this song. i know it's not the latest ne-yo song but this has got to be my favorite song of his. i wish i have the bravado of this song when in relationship troubles. oh well at least that was all in the past. i may have looked like crazy on some break-ups, cried my eyes out, and begged at one point, yes i begged but at least i learned from it and i moved on. i learned that it's better to be alone than in a relationship that has always placed doubt on the back of my mind. i am happily single by choice.

freelance writing

2008-07-28T01:38:00.002+08:00

i took an extra job of freelance writing fairly recently. i enjoy doing it but most of the time i get pressured by the 24 hour deadline. i applied for this job since i am mostly online and i do write. my blog is one evidence of that writing excluding the emails and the journal that i keep. the only problem i have encountered recently is that my freelance writing job has taken my mojo for my other writing passions. my blog has been stagnant for almost a month again, my emails suck, and my journal hasn't had any entry. it is as if my creativity if i could call it that and my vocabulary is being stretched every time i take an assignment there is nothing left for writing that isn't paid. i love the extra income part of freelance writing the most. it's fast and easy income, i may complain about my missing writing mojo but i can't complain about the extra cash. i just have to remind myself that there are downsides to everything. it's not as if my blog is updated constantly as i'd like it to be with or without my freelancing job.

why i disliked jumper?

2008-07-08T01:19:00.002+08:00

i stopped myself short of titling this blog into "why i hate jumper?" because someone once told me that hate is such a strong word and he suggested that i use the word dislike instead. from then on i would always check myself on whether using the word hate is necessary in any situation that i am faced with. jumper is only a movie, the latest on my dvd watching odyssey, so i refrained from using hate in my aforementioned title.

i watched jumper with a preconceived notion that it must be good, it was a huge hit in the box office and it has an amazing movie trailer. in my laziness i didn't read any movie reviews, i just based my dvd borrowing this time by what seemed cool. unfortunately for me what seemed cool happened to be a poor excuse to make a movie with hayden christensen, jamie bell, rachel bilson, and samuel l. jackson in it. the storyline was lacking on the explanation of why jumpers and palladins exist except that they have been for centuries fighting to eradicate each other. i don't even buy the sequel reason because it was a movie that lingered with too much of its show-off shots and dabbled with a romantic side but no real story and a lot of hanging issues that instead of wanting more, pissed me off. it's not even a superhero movie that allows the superfluous ability of hayden's character, david rice, to teleport. there purpose is what's missing from this movie other than a straight storyline.

interesting

2008-07-06T20:18:00.004+08:00

i posted this as an homage to what is possibly the most influential tv show for the women of this generation. it was a tv show that changed how we talked about sex, how we viewed our friendships, and how we deal with our never ending quest of that one guy who will love us and we will love in return. while sex and the city at times was viewed as certainly hedonistic and all gloss it was interesting that in all of that there is wisdom that can be applied to our realities.

10 Love Lessons From 'Sex and the City'

By Valerie Reiss Beliefnet Updated: Jun 6, 2008

Through my late 20s I was with the girls all the way, even though I often thought their romantic choices were misguided, obviously wrong, spiritually and psychologically clueless, superficial, selfish, and jaded. Pretty much like most of my own.
But in a city where love can be as elusive as affordable housing, "Sex and the City" gave so many of us perspective, validation, and reminders of the core lessons of love -- sometimes in spite of itself, sometimes in the scripts. With the ladies hitting the big screen, here's a bit of what I've learned, or remembered, about love thanks to Carrie and Co.

1. Single is Not a Dirty Word
The SATC gals transformed "single"--"spinster"'s more evolved cousin--from being a hole to a presence; they made singledom cool. Even when it hurt.
One of my favorite moments is when Carrie's silver Manolos get swiped from a smug-married's apartment and the friend refuses to reimburse her. She lectures Carrie about spending too much on shoes and not enough on family, playing right in to her singleton's shame.
This, after Carrie has bought engagement, wedding, shower, and baby gifts for her. In a genius move, Carrie registers herself at Manolo Blahnik just for those shoes, single "bride" that she is, forcing the friend to pay up. To me this said the single life is just as valid as the married. We deserve as many gifts and even blessings from our friends and society, regardless of what others might think of our struggles and choices.

2. It's Okay to Expose All to Your Girlfriends
Women talked about sex with their friends long before SATC. But the show gave us permission on a large scale to get graphic and detailed in cathartic and hilarious ways. It was like a six-season long Consciousness Raising group with better outfits.

3. Fate is Not Always Fate
It's so tempting to interpret the tea leaves of love, to decide that fate is (finally) working in our favor. When Trey saved Charlotte from being mowed down by a speeding taxi, she decided it was fate. Not just that he was a nice guy who saved her life, but that he must be the guy to live out her "marry tale" with.
Turns out--not so much, and I think after that divorce, Char developed a very different notion of fate, i.e.-we don't know how the universe works and just because it seems like synchronicity, it doesn't mean you have to marry the dude. A lesson better remembered than re-experienced.

4. Sometimes to Be Real You Have to Get Ugly
When Charlotte first met her handsomely chiseled divorce lawyer, she kept to the prim, nice decorum that defined her. When she realized she needed to be fierce --and ugly-- to battle her Bunny-in-law, she dropped him for sweaty, obnoxious, bald Harry Goldenblatt and then felt free to be as nasty as she wanted to be, fangs and all. Turns out he found her "incredibly sexy" anyway. And once she was able to shatter her preppy, WASPy notion of her ideal man, voila, there he was, right in front of her.

5. Be Vulnerable
More than anyone else on the show, Samantha and her mien of steel taught us that true strength is in opening and trust. She started to get this from her girl-flame Maria ("I've got monogomy, I think I caught it from you people") but mostly from her hot-hot boyfriend Smith Jarrod.
First, he forced on her his "perverse" desire to hold hands, and then, most touchingly, shaved off his golden locks when she lost hers to chemo. We all have an inner Samantha--the part that feigns bravado in the face of pain and trusts no one. Watching her set down her insecurity-as-sword reminded all us tough girls to do the same.

6. There's a Difference Between Childlike and Childish
In perhaps my favorite episode, a guy named Wade had a comic book store, a great record collection, and a scooter. Carrie was justifiably wooed when he drew a cartoon of her telling her to call him. And the girl needed some fun! Mr. Big? Sexy, complicated, but no bag of jacks.
With Wade, she played video games, took a spin on the scooter, got stoned on the balcony of his surprisingly vast Park Avenue apartment. Turned out the guy was living with his parents. And not only that, he lied to his mom that they were smoking Carrie's pot. Lesson? If he seems like a kid, investigate to make sure he's also an adult.

7. Know When to Kiss Goodbye
Miranda asked a date up to her apartment. He declined, claiming to have "an early meeting." Later, she asked Carrie's man of the hour for insight. Berger said, "He's just not that into you," and "When a guy's really into you, he's coming upstairs, meeting or no meeting."
Miranda is instantly liberated, giddy with the blame-free simplicity of it. Of course in real life, sadly, it's not always so simple. But through this and countless other moments, the show taught us that letting go is never easy--even when he's "not into you"--but that if you don't walk away when you know you should, only misery, over-analysis, and disappointment awaits.

8. Don't Mistake Scraps for Jewels
"It was the single most encouraging moment in our relationship." Was Carrie talking about Big sharing his heart with her? Giving her a thoughtful present? Nope. She said this when he gave her the "only" extra pink toothbrush head one night.
Sure, it was the only baby step toward accepting her into his life that he was capable of. But all of us need to love ourselves enough not to mistake glitter for diamonds, scraps for a meal--exactly what that toothbrush head was.

9. Read the Signs
When Carrie got engaged to Aidan, she promptly strung the gorgeous Harry Winston ring around her neck instead of putting it on her finger. Score one for costume designer Patricia Field for the fresh accessory, minus one very big one for the happy future of Carrie and Aidan. Both continued to ignore the signs of doom--like so many of us do--in exchange for hope.
It was a reminder to all of us not to ignore those persistent yet subtle doubts, accumulating red flags--and full-blown panic attacks--no matter how much we want something to work out.

10. Patience and Compromise
Sure, the show was often about taking, and Goddess knows the characters' self-absorption grated horribly sometimes. But as the ladies matured, we saw more and more examples of selfless compromise.
Miranda agreed to have her son Brady baptized even though it conflicted strongly with her beliefs; Charlotte converted to Judaism to be with Harry; and most hilariously, Harry put on underwear to sit on Charlotte's pristine white sofa. As for patience, the girls had a giant Birkin bag full of it for each other. And Carrie, in spite of herself had it big-time with Big.

why i love juno?

2008-07-06T18:59:00.004+08:00

while returning the latest dvd that i borrowed, juno, from the local video store, the customer attendant asked me if i liked the movie. i said "of course", why not it was a very charming yet very unconventional movie. it was how i would describe juno, the main character herself. the customer attendant whom i am pretty much acquainted with by now, found it to be boring, something that made my pupils dilate in disbelief. i don't want to contradict anyone's taste, after all it is a free country and i've always said "to each his own" in tastes and opinions. juno happens to be a very big success in hollywood being an indie movie. of course it had its fair share of controversy being blamed for its supposed influence towards teen girls in america, that being pregnant is "cool". the movie isn't what the controversy describes it to be, juno the character is cool, being pregnant is not by the number of times that juno herself complained on how uncomfortable pregnancy is.

the movie itself has a very simple plot, 16 year old girl gets pregnant, didn't want to have an abortion, and instead found a very nice couple, at the pages of penny saver, who was looking for a baby to adopt. it was this couple that brings some of the conflict, well not to discount juno's stepmom, to also bring a mild mix of conflict as well. a few bumps along the way including juno's baby bump, the movie ended with a very happy ending. it was what was aptly narrated somewhere near the end parts of the movie, it was a love story in reverse. juno fell in love with the baby's father, blecker, after the baby was born. juno the movie had the right mix of humor, melodrama, and poignant moments that left my eyes twinkling with a bit of tears.

my lakbayan grade

2008-07-01T17:30:00.003+08:00

My Lakbayan grade is C-!

How much of the Philippines have you visited? Find out at Lakbayan!

Created by Eugene Villar.

i have taken this test several times now and i still get a c- rating. this is the first time though that i am publicly posting my rating, out of shame i have never wanted to post this but i want to share to the handful who regularly check my blog.

i know the reason why. although i have taken time to see the philippines, what i have done is simply revisit the places i have been to already. i haven't gone out on any other places that i haven't been to. a list of places that i haven't been to in the country includes bohol, boracay, baguio believe it or not, banaue, ilocos sur, and ilocos norte, and oh well about 7,000 more islands.

blogging hiatus

2008-06-11T17:14:00.001+08:00

my blog has been on a hiatus for more than a month for a succession of reasons, primary of which is the classic "busy excuse", my pc conked out and etc. i have quite a lot of blog articles in the back burner that has been on the draft folder for months and months now. one of which is my sonja's cupcakes very overdue write up. hopefully sometime this week and the next i will be able to update not just my blog, but also my social networking site (i.e. friendster). i still am busy but i am getting to a point that it is becoming manageable.

my current book wish list

2008-05-04T01:44:00.005+08:00

everyone knows my incessant impulse and need to buy books. these books are on my current wish list. i can't wait to get my hands on any of these, well all of these.

studio versions

2008-05-04T01:35:00.002+08:00

my favorite studio version of any american idol performances of season 7, is michael john's across the universe. i can't seem to get enough of his version of this beatles song that i have been listening to it for most of my waking hours in the past three days. more than any other time in my american idol season addiction, i have become a very big fan of michael johns, silly since he has been out of the competition weeks ago. click here to view and listen........

christmas cards in may

2008-05-02T00:44:00.003+08:00

i was pleasantly surprised when i opened one of the five email inboxes that i own. i got an email from my dear friend timi, while it isn't unusual to receive emails from her, getting personally written emails is sporadic. it was the usual catching up email but what struck a chord in me was that, it was a christmas card that started that very heartfelt and heartwarming email. they were moving to a new house somewhere in new york and while going to the process of moving out, she found an old christmas card i sent her.

i love sending out christmas cards, from ecards which hallmark.com generously provides for free to the real tangible snail mail type. i have a mailing list and an emailing list which every year i add on to. last december 2007 with what happened to my sister and almost spending christmas day at the hospital i didn't get around to snail mailing any christmas cards at all. i did get around my ecard list since i have done that in november 2007, with one click of course it was programmed to be sent christmas eve. unfortunately for those who aren't techies or technology savvy relatives like my grandmother and some others i missed out on them and i still feel upset everytime i open my correspodence drawer and i see a stack of unsent christmas cards. fortunately for me, i could recycle those cards since i didn't have time to put dates on any. i could use those this coming christmas which is about eight months from now. a very good proposition for a gal like me who likes to start very early on my christmas preparations. silly but it is just a way to console myself that no matter how much i prepare for my favorite holiday some things do happen, and life happens no matter how i will prepare, things go wrong and it will be out of my control completely.

it is a welcoming knowledge that something like a christmas card could sustain a friendship and a sporadic personally written email could lead to a blog about christmas cards in may. odd but hey it's life!

didn't forget,i just didn't care

2008-04-30T17:10:00.006+08:00

i felt neither shock nor dismay when she was booted out of american idol i simply didn't care about her and was only reminded that she was the latest idol cast-off when i saw her at ellen's talk show last night. so i thought i should write a post on carly the shouty one in american idol's season 7. while she may not seem to be the one who deserved an exit on idol on andrew lloyd webber week, she should be booted out some time or another. so whether it was a rather premature exit or not i really couldn't care less this time.

i should share this

2008-04-26T23:05:00.002+08:00

i wrote this essay several months ago with the intention of entering a writing contest in a daily broadsheet. i did send it as an entry but i think it wasn't as good as i thought this was so it wasn't published. i ended up buying every sunday edition of the broadsheet for about three months hoping that it will be that issue that i will see this essay on print. since it didn't get published there, i thought, well there's always a different platform and what very convenient platform than my blog.

THE INDIA INSIDE OF ME
By Lalimarie D. Bhagwani

As I am once again preparing for another foreign trip, I am once again reminded of how my surname always merit me a second look or sometimes the more extreme grilling questions and double frisking at NAIA immigration. It’s always that one question if whether I am who my passport says I am or if I am Filipino at all. My features look more Spanish mestiza which greatly contradicts my distinctly Indian surname. A surname I acquired not by marriage, as I am very much single, but by being born into it.

The Indian part of me ends in my surname. We were raised as Filipinos and more specifically “Bisaya”. That would have been different if the man to whom I got this surname was part of our lives, but he wasn’t and never will be.

My paternal grandfather was an Indian national who came to the Philippines before World War II. I’m not quite sure if he really does have movie star good looks or is it just because of how black and white photos always makes anyone good looking. My paternal grandmother though swears he is a drop dead gorgeous man. A very old photo reproduced through the help of modern technology is the only image that I know of my grandfather. What I know of Leilaram, his name, is limited to what we have been told by my maternal grandmother. My paternal grand parents separated a long time ago. My father was about a year old at that time and my grand mother was pregnant with their youngest child. He may seem like the biggest slack for leaving his family and going back to India but that was their story and that was a lifetime ago, marriages fail and what we got is a name, a surname at that. He left but quite contrary to the very common idea of not looking back, he looked back and tried to reach out to the family that he left. During my childhood I remember my aunts and uncles fussing over the idea of my grandfather writing and asking for reconciliation. I vividly remember how adamant they were at refusing to let him reconcile with them. My grandmother by my reckoning was too proud. I didn’t get to read that letter of reconciliation, what I did get to read, with the help of my very conscientious mother who gave me a glimpse of who and what Leilaram is, she kept a letter my grandfather sent my dad when he got married to my mom. I cried when I read that letter it was the sum of all that I could ever get to know of him. He seemed to have a very active imagination, he was a story teller from what I could tell, and he seemed to have a very kind heart; all my impressions of him from a yellowed almost tattered piece of paper that somehow helped me fill in the gaps of my history. While my father secretly held a desire to seek a reunion with his father, he like the rest of the family was swayed by pride and abandoned that desire. A desire I too was holding close to my heart. I almost wish at that time that I had a great persuading power to change everyone’s mind because I know that reuniting with Leilaram is an integral and essential part if not for my grandmother or my father and his siblings but for us the grandchildren. It would have been our chance to decide whether he is what he is from all the stories we have been repeatedly told or was he an entirely different person that we could have had the chance to find out.

Growing up surrounded by the stigma towards Indian nationals living here in the Philippines, I would be teased by the very common racial slurs hurled at every “Bombay who’s into 5/6 and selling payong riding in a motorcycle with a turban in his head”. While I have been teased about all that, I was never traumatized because at the same time being teased as “Bombay” I was also teased as “mestizang bangus”. I just thought that all those who teased me were plain stupid in the head because they couldn’t even see the irony of their teases. Besides I’m not so scared of punching anyone who didn’t know how to stop teasing as a matter of fact my mom has been called to school because I did punch someone in grade two once, we eventually became friends though, after she has forgiven me.

In my teens while teasing still came my way once in a while I was saved from that by going to a bigger school where the population was a bit more diverse and pure blooded Indian schoolmates came a lot more than my elementary school. If teasing happened in my elementary years, questions arose in my high school years and for most of my adult life. I would always be asked about India. I would always end up openmouthed. What I know of India, I learned from the travel channel, from what I read in history books and travel magazines, and from what I heard from people who have been there. I don’t know much about half of my origins because of some unfortunate family events and I keep getting asked about that other half.

As an adult I have a great responsibility to learn about that other half of my story. I don’t have an identity crisis, I know who I am Filipino and Proud, but to fill the missing pages of my story I will have to someday pack my bags to go to India. Not just this trip yet but someday. It will be for me to learn, to see, to taste the flavors of India, and to experience both beauty and chaos. That trip will not include reunion plans anymore as my grandfather died years ago. It will just be a trip to help me answer some questions and help fill some pages of my life’s story, the least of that story will be about where my surname came from, the country not the person anymore.

i didn't get paid for this

2008-04-22T19:12:00.004+08:00

i know that this blog may appear like an informercial of some product i was paid to promote, but i didn't get paid to blog about this product. i am almost done with one bottle of olay body creme ribbons with almond oil and i can't help but rave about how great this body wash is. by far the most moisturizing of all that i have ever used, not even dove body wash or bliss spa's body wash can compare. i never really thought much about this olay product since i have used olay creme soap and it wasn't as good as this one. it was worth all the hype when it first came out and i first read about this on cosmopolitan magazine in u.s. in 2005.

and finally america got it right...

2008-04-17T23:32:00.002+08:00

more than overdue, kristy lee has finally left american idol season 7. in my opinion she should have long been gone when she wrecked the beatles "8 days a week". well better late than never america. kristy lee is pretty and she sure seems to be a very pleasant person but she isn't really my type of performer or her music isn't just for me.

top 5

2008-04-16T23:11:00.003+08:00

it may seem too early to decide on my top five performances of american idol season 7 but david cook's version of "always be my baby" has inspired me to think of the contestants' performances that has been stuck in my head and performances i have repeatedly been listening to.

my top five american idol performances as of now, april 16, 2008:

1. david cook "always be my baby" click here to view...
2. david cook "hello" click here to view...
3. michael johns "queen medley" click here to view...
4. jason castro "hallelujah" click here to view...
5. ramiele malubay "you don't have to say you love me" click here to view...

lions for lambs

2008-04-13T00:35:00.010+08:00

i have been on a dvd marathon since last january. most of the films i have seen were rather forgettable but i have managed to acquire some new favorites. the latest dvd i have seen was, lions for lambs. i was anticipating this movie ever since i read about it in time or was it newsweek, i forgot my new diet has managed to make me forgetful these past couple of weeks. i kept coming back to the video store to inquire about when it would come out for sale or for rent. i don't subscribe to piracy so i have to wait and i haven't seen a movie at the cinema for more than a year except for "the assassination of jesse james by the coward robert ford", which i won invites to watch its advance screening. for a movie buff like me who used to watch a movie or two at the cinema weekly, watching movies at home has lured me for the sheer pleasure of having the remote to pause, rewind, and watch the entire movie again anytime i want to.

lions for lambs isn't quite as long as i had expected it to be. just a little bit over an hour and a half, which helps by the way because 26 minutes into the movie felt like an hour to me. it's not boring, the movie had that effect on me because the conversations in the movie were so packed with details i didn't want to miss every line. i watched the movie twice, that was how much i wanted to pay attention to this robert redford film. this movie is very apt and very timely. it successfully mixed the current state of american politics with the war they are fighting in afghanistan and iraq and how it transcends to other aspects of american life. of course just like any other movie more than that magazine article, what spurred my curiosity over this movie is the all star cast of meryl streep, tom cruise, and robert redford both starring and directing the film. it didn't do well on the box office despite those details and most critics giving it a b/c rating. i can't dispel that but i liked this film and i even have moments where i actually felt like what this film is saying is relevant and true and yes maybe it can only be just another hollywood film trying its best to be introspective of the current reality, but this is the best that hollywood has produced to mirror that introspection. this movie has a point and a message. my opinion is that americans are only nostalgic of the wars that they fought but they never want to be reminded that they currently fighting a war against terrorism right now. this maybe the reason why this movie wasn't as successful as it should be or it could be that i may be one of those few who didn't get bored through all the dialogue and i am alone in my opinion that this is worth watching. the reasoning is that it's worth the time because it is politically rousing.

after i watched the movie just like andrew garfield's character, todd hayes, right at the very end of the movie, i was left staring at the screen long after the credits has rolled. i was thinking, this movie made me think. after thinking, i watched it again, and i was able to feel what made me think in the first place. afterwards i can't help but wonder how many are like arian and ernest, the characters played by michael pena and derek luke. how brave they were while their politicians in washington were deciding their fate based on policies, while the media takes their stories as commodities to be sold to the public, and how most of us are just indifferent to the cause.

america made some big mistake on this one

2008-04-11T20:10:00.002+08:00

the announcement that michael johns was the one leaving american idol was such a big shock. it was one of those moments that i have to say that this one america made a a huge mistake. michael is one of the most talented and sexiest american idol contestant ever. it's one less reason to watch the show.

everyone at home is still recovering from the shock of michael being eliminated. my mom was driven to a cleaning frenzy even if she really doesn't have to. yes that is how upset she was and she broke a couple of champagne flutes in the process. so she got more upset. then she just blurted out that she's banning american idol at home, more like she's not watching anymore. we still would be watching and cheering for david cook.

pet care

2008-04-07T19:52:00.005+08:00

i don't want to preach but i was browsing through books at national bookstore in glorietta during one of those saturdays, when my sister has to go and get some art supplies for her art classes, while waiting for her i found this book. this book has to be mandatory for every pet owner. i own seven dogs and i find this quite helpful when trying to decide whether they need professional help or they could have home remedy instead. it's quite tricky since dogs can't talk and when they are a bit under the weather they just either mope or growl when disturbed. it doesn't take away the role of a veterenarian but somehow it has increased my knowledge as a pet owner and has also given me the power to ask and not just nod at whatever the vet says.

while this one has been very interesting and helpful as well. this pet care companion series i was able to get from the bargain table of national bookstore in greenbelt for just P95 last december. this book has gone to more than health issues to include grooming, behavior, and dietary concerns. it eases the burden because having pets is like raising a baby and whatever choices a pet owner decides the pet is stuck with it since it is on the mercy of its humans.

i am for responsible pet ownership and against animal cruelty. this blog is dedicated to my cute and cuddly furry, four legged friends; lulu, princess, labli jane, legolas, arwen, aragorn, and patricka star.

that pinoy pride

2008-04-04T18:58:00.002+08:00

it was inevitable, it has been quite some time since ramiele had a performance that impressed the judges. i just never thought that she would be booted out before kristy lee cook. ramiele has a great voice that wasn't showcased enough in american idol. i felt very sad last night. i guess i would only have david cook and michael johns as my reasons to watch american idol.

earth day 2008

2008-04-02T19:53:00.004+08:00

april 22nd of this year will mark the celebration of earth day which reminded me to search for that article i happen to have scanned on the front page of the philippine star a couple of weeks ago. it was a worrying headline for every filipino who hasn't left the country or for every filipino who has always dreamt of settling back in the country. that headline stated that the philippines is the 38th most polluted country in the world. i tried searching for that article in the philippine star's database but to no avail. i might not have searched well enough but interestingly i stumbled into some interesting facts along the way. for one i stumbled upon this fact of the 50 most populous countries in the world. coincidentally, population is one of the biggest factor of climate change and global warming. it's that spike in the world's human population that has propelled us into the critical levels of pollution and global warming. to take a closer look in the list, the philippines is the 12th on the list, for such a small country to have so many people for sure it has had its toll environmentally. our government should re-think their policies on population control and for once think sensibly minus the pressure of the catholic church against contraception and sex education. to discuss further on this issue is entirely another blog entry.

World's 50 Most Populous Countries: 2007
Rank
Country
Population

1.
China
1,321,851,888

2.
India
1,129,866,154

3.
United States
301,139,947

4.
Indonesia
234,693,997

5.
Brazil
190,010,647

6.
Pakistan
169,270,617

7.
Bangladesh
150,448,339

8.
Russia
141,377,752

9.
Nigeria
135,031,164

10.
Japan
127,467,972

11.
Mexico
108,700,891

12.
Philippines
91,077,287

13.
Vietnam
85,262,356

14.
Germany
82,400,996

15.
Egypt
80,264,543

16.
Ethiopia
76,511,887

17.
Turkey
71,158,647

18.
Iran
65,397,521

19.
Thailand
65,068,149

20.
Congo, Dem. Rep.
64,606,759

21.
France
61,083,916

22.
United Kingdom
60,776,238

23.
Italy
58,147,733

24.
Korea, South
49,044,790

25.
Myanmar
(Burma)
47,373,958

26.
Ukraine
46,299,862

27.
Colombia
44,227,550

28.
South Africa
43,997,828

29.
Sudan
42,292,929

30.
Spain
40,448,191

31.
Argentina
40,301,927

32.
Poland
38,518,241

33.
Tanzania
38,139,640

34.
Kenya
36,913,721

35.
Morocco
33,757,175

36.
Canada
33,390,141

37.
Algeria
33,333,216

38.
Afghanistan
31,889,923

39.
Uganda
30,262,610

40.
Nepal
28,901,790

41.
Peru
28,674,757

42.
Uzbekistan
27,780,059

43.
Saudi Arabia
27,601,038

44.
Iraq
27,499,638

45.
Venezuela
26,084,662

46.
Malaysia
24,821,286

47.
Korea, North
23,301,725

48.
Taiwan
23,174,294

49.
Ghana
22,931,299

50.
Romania
22,276,056

Source: U.S. Census Bureau, International Database.

still looking for that philippine star article, i clicked on this study done by the blacksmith institute which has sparked not just headlines but strong contradictions from politicians some time back. on its list is meycuayan, bulacan and involving a river on its municipal territory. it also has marilao as another municipality in this country which is primarily polluted by SME clusters on its areas.

it really is worrying, i think my only consolation is that the philippines isn't on the top 10 or even top 20, but still out of about 200 countries the philippines being a small country has managed to be in the 25% of the dirtiest and most polluted. what's sad is that unlike some countries, the philippines won't have the resources to help it's environment to heal and to repair. it can't even deal with social services, road building, and education because the whole country has been focused on its politics and the politicians are busy trying their best to stay in power and to pocket more money from every opportunity they can.

since pollution has already been always equated to the looming problem of global warming, on a personal note, i have taken steps to at least lower my carbon footprint. at home we have switched to energy efficient light bulbs and more than helping the environment, it has greatly helped lower the electricity bill by almost 15%-20%, i also always unplug everytime i go out, or am done with the tv, pc, or whatever appliance it is. trash at home is carefully segregated to minimize what ends up in the dumpsite and what gets sent out for recycling. most of the time i take public transportion, it's not so bad as long as you know the area quite well. even in my shopping habits i have applied eco-friendly principles into it, i would only buy if i need it and the want to have is so strong it has made me sleepless, because whatever purchases that ends up to be useless could later end up in the trash that could very well end up in the dumpsite. i also like the concept of ukay-ukay since it is a great way to recycle things that don't easily biodegrade and it's such a haven for great bargains and high fashion stuff in most times. of course i have things in my wishlist that i wish to be able to do and have to be more eco-friendly, maybe when i could afford a greener lifestyle, hopefully soon.

must have, must work for

2008-03-26T21:10:00.002+08:00

these are the two gadgets that i would love to buy ASAP.

the reader digital book from sony so that i won't be able to debate which book to bring on any trip. that's 160 books on internal memory and there's always expandable memory for more books to be downloaded. oh my, dear me i want one!!!

of course my dream still of replacing the good old digital camera to a samsung nv series digital camera. this time though in the nv series it's the nv 24hd that i really want.

so a note to myself to work hard for it.

american idol season 7

2008-03-26T20:19:00.003+08:00

i haven't been much of an american idol fan. i remember being irritated everytime arlene, a very dear friend of mine back in l.a., would text to remid me to vote for jasmine trias back then. although i liked kelly clarkson the very first american idol, i only started paying attention to the show during taylor hick's season, which i guess was season 5. first i genuinely liked taylor's charisma premature gray hair and all and i liked katharine mcphee and elliot yamin and i can't leave out chris daughtry. then last year after my very gruelling political stint i was able to catch the tail end of season 6. i have to admit that i was rooting for blake though he didn't win, a neat 1st runner up was good enough to launch a career for him.

for season 7 admittedly my week revolves on the anticipation of american idol day. i know it sounds like a looser couch potato life, but this is very rare for me to have this much time in my life. this season has produced head turning talents. my absolute favorite is david cook, "the rock god", who managed to rock every song he has ever performed. i can't also take away ramiele from my list being pinay and that voice clarity that no one else has among her competitors. michael johns and chikezie would be two of the other idol top 10 whom i also wouldn't mind winning.

as for those whom i could skip i have to say i dislike carly smithson, an early favorite who somewhere along the way disappointed me by not living up to the hype by continually adding that signature scream-like part in every song she sings. kristy lee cook, what can i say, just plain old boring and i have to borrow simon's "forgettable" adjective for her.

in general, this is a very good season. hey there's even eye-candy with talent in jason castro. there's the sunshine like attitude of brooke white and david archuleta's almost stellar performances save for that teeny bit where he forgot the lyrics on beatles week 1. syesha mercado well she can just be that dark horse having very good perfomances this two consecutive weeks.

still it will be david cook, rock on!

easter greetings

2008-03-23T14:41:00.004+08:00

happy easter everyone. although i have mostly slacked off the religious activities and duties for most of the holy week except for the palm sunday mass and the easter mass, to my mother;'s disappointment, i hope that it was still meaningful for the rest of you.

the assassination of jesse james by the coward robert ford

2008-02-19T22:55:00.007+08:00

i have obliged myself of writing a review of the movie, "the assassination of jesse james by the coward robert ford". i was lucky enough to score two tickets of the advance screening by etc 2nd avenue's 3rd row last monday at glorietta 4. i have read and heard about it from all the entertainment shows and of course my favorite new york times movie reviews. i won't be relying on that though. i have a pretty good idea of what i want to say.

the entire movie was dedicated to jesse james' last days and the circumstances that lead to his being murdered. jesse james was this outlaw, folk hero and robin hood type depending on which opinions are to asked who made his living out of robbing trains and banks in the post civil war america . a temperamental person which i can almost see some hints of restrained psychosis and sociopathic behavior. that would have been how i saw him based from the movie. some of the scenes were so shocking almost a break from the very slow pace of the entire movie. that very slow pace highlighted the violence yet in some ways the way jesse james as portrayed by brad pitt seemed so charismatically cool yet so feared by his uncontrollable outbursts. robert ford the assassin of course played by the brilliant casey affleck did so well in presenting an enigmatic stalker to jesse james. the aloof and myserious bob ford the new and eager recruit.

i always wondered why the title of the movie describes robert ford as a coward and towards the end of the movie i felt like that by killing jesse, bob ford would helped the world by getting rid of a menace. only just then that bob killed jesse for personal reasons not some mighty and noble expectations that he had reserved fo himself. he profited from the reward that the governor has put up for the arrest of jesse james and profited from how the murdered took place by staging a play around post civil war america.

the movie was beautiful, most especially the cinematography. the slow moving and sweeping shots were magnificent and the abruptness of the violent scenes higlighted the storytelling. my mom did raise this point though how would this movie attract modern viewers who are used to past paced action packed thrillers? to me while watching, it was break from this time, from the now of my life and i took a trip to another time and place to witness a piece of history and to learn something new in details, in moving pictures, in a movie where there was superb acting.

heart break

2008-02-15T19:37:00.003+08:00

my heart was broken by my favorite amazing race team ever that has come out both of the american version and the asian version by loosing. it has a lot to do about marc and rovilson representing my home country of the philippines in the amazing race asia 2. they are made of a different caliber. they were witty, good looking ,and they have that sense of calm that seems a lot like grace under pressure in a very grueling reality tv show that has usually brought out a lot of ugly and untoward behavior from other contestants all throughout the history of the amazing race. from consistently being on the top for most of the race they ended up third place by that last road block that required rovilson to arrange in order the flags of each country that they have visited in the entire course of the race. i was on the edge of my seat for the finale, i didn't even mind that i was home for valentine's day very much single. all i could think of was the finale and would marc and rovilson win. unfortunately they lost. i am still proud of them and how they have been a very strong formidable team but i am still very much broken hearted at the same time.

the grammys

2008-02-12T14:49:00.000+08:00

before the grammys was aired. i saw an online poll that rihanna's or amy winhouse's performance was the most anticipated. i can't argue about that because i too anticipated their performances. but in my list this was the best performance and the most enchanting of all the performances in the 50th grammy awards.

must have, must buy for the book addict in me

2008-02-02T02:38:00.000+08:00

i own too many books more than i know where i could put them but there a lot of books still waiting to be bought and read. this is my current wishlist or more likely must buy list. i love to try and put some description on why each one of them ended up in my list but there's one common denominator in all of them they're interesting and they're making a buzz in bestseller's list or just by word of mouth.

madlibs

2008-01-27T22:29:00.000+08:00

i never knew that a word game madlibs ever existed until yesterday afternoon, january 26, 2008. my friend rachelle and i went to onstage greenbelt to watch the stage play version of "tuesdays with morrie". while inside the taxi cab on the way to greenbelt she handed me the other christmas gift she has for me but has forgotten a couple of times to give since last december. so right after the play when she went to the restroom i hastily ripped the wrapping to open the gift, and there it was madlibs. i opened its pages and i instantly know it was going to be fun. when i got home last night i tried the first set of games alone and later today i tried the second set of games with my sister. it is very fun and funny.

this game has been around since the 1950s created by leonard stern and roger price and published by price stern sloan, an imprint of penguin group, cofounded by roger price and leonard stern. i had to google about madlibs to learn more. i was pleasantly surprised why until only yesterday was i introduced into this very addicting and entertaining game. it should be more popular like sudoko. i have rachelle to thank for my new source of amusement.

best buy

2008-01-27T21:37:00.000+08:00

i read about belle de jour planner from the shopcrazy website. i'm not into planners, i either rely on my phone or my good memory to remind me of my things to do. when the reminders tend to pile up especially when it's work related i either just write in an ordinary notebook or go high tech with a pda. belle de jour power planner has made me a convert to good old pen paper way of writing down and planning my days.

every night i would sit on the edge of my bed, i would think about my things to do, just personal ones and i would write it down, also i would tick off the things that i have done during the day. every time i take this very tiny moment of my day, i feel accomplished. that moment i tick off one errand or reminder in my belle de jour planner i am reminded that my day wasn't wasted and every time i write for tomorrow i am reminded that i am alive to have those plans and that i have hope to accomplish and to move forward with my life.

sometimes it's not the grandest things that are life changing, in my belle de jour planner's case it's the fabulous girlie little thing that has become life changing. this planner has everything that a woman needs for a planner in its pages. from life dreams, goal planner, vacation planner, birthday list, menstrual tracker, budget and finance list, credit card expense tracker, and coupons for more shopping. also in between months there are interesting articles that discusses interesting tips and trivia. as part of my gratitude to those who thought of coming out with this planner i have emailed more than a couple of times, posted my admiration in the girtalk message boards, and of course gabbed about it to my girlfriends. as early as now i am declaring it is my best buy of 2008.

belle de jour- directly translated as nice of day or beauty of the day according to an online translation.
-the french name for day lily, a flower that blooms only on daytime according to wikipedia
-a 1967 movie starring catherine deneuve based on the 1928 novel by joseph kessel, information also from wikipedia

everyone should be praying this

2008-01-22T23:58:00.001+08:00

there is one prayer that i found among the stack of things that my sister has accumulated in our shared room. i am guessing that it was one of those prayers that our "lola madre" has given her in one of our visits to the convent of the rvm sisters at n. domingo. this prayer has gotten me through the best and the worst days of my life this past year. i pray this almost everyday not just to feel but to learn humility, gratitude, patience, and grace.

learning christ
Teach ME, my Lord, to be sweet and gentle
In all the events of life--
in disappointment, in the thoughtlessness of others,
in the insincerity of those I trusted,
in the unfaithfulness of those on whom I relied.

Let me put aside, to think of the happiness of others,
to hide my little pains and heartaches,
so that I may be the only one to suffer from them.

Teach me to profit by the suffering that comes across my path.
Let me so use it that may mellow me not harden nor embitter me;
that it may make me patient, not irritable,
that it may make me broad in my forgiveness,
not narrow, haughty and overbearing.

May no be less good for having come within my influence. No one less pure, less true, less kind, less noble for having been a fellow-traveler in our journey toward ETERNAL LIFE.

As I go my rounds from one distraction to another, let me whisper from time to time a word of love to Thee. May my life be lived in the supernatural, full of power for good, and strong in its purpose of sanctity.

what i got?

2008-01-20T15:44:00.001+08:00

last saturday i finally received leir's christmas gift for me. while i still haven't sent my gift for her because i think i might just wait for her to come home to manila. i knew what she was giving me since we talked about it on yahoo messenger. yet i still can't contain my excitement when liza, the maid at her parent's condo, handed the gifts to me. to me it still felt like christmas at about 3 weeks after the holidays. i have to say a big thank you to leirs for thinking of what to give me and making me so happy when receiving it. i think she read my blog on gift giving and thought very hard of how she perceives me and thought of me in general and connected it to something that's for sale.

so here's what i got:

1.

i enjoyed greg behrendt's first book tremendously, i called it my bible on dating and although i am not going thru a break-up, leirs used the idea of me being a booklover and loving greg behrendt. this one was really well thought of and it shows that she does read my blog since i recently posted a blog regarding this book.

2.

this is the very meaning of incorporating some of my essence. i love sex and the city, my favorite tv show ever for entertainment value and fashion insight that it has given to so many including me.

thank you leirs!

nothing

2008-01-18T22:07:00.000+08:00

almost three weeks and nothing new posted. i saw vayie post, "update please!!!!!", on my message board. i was busy these past few weeks and i really don't have that much energy to post anything new and to think about what to post. i have some things that i wrote but i am too selfish to share or was it too shy to share, i can't even decide on my sentiment.

my movie marathons lately have made me lethargic. i am just mostly in awe of what i have been watching and i keep thinking how marvelous are the minds of those screenwriters to have been able to come up with those really great screenplays. i might in the next few weeks write my movie reviews.

maybe next week then...

holiday greetings

2007-12-24T19:00:00.000+08:00

it seems like i am cramming; quite late to be posting this on christmas eve when everyone will be busy and won't probably have time to read this till after all the partying and euphoria of the holidays has died down. i have mailed greetings cards and have made my e-cards since last november but of course had them sent our 2 days ago and have even done sms greetings already but i wasn't able to do my blog greetings till now since i was away for a week. my little sister lei underwent surgery for apendectomy and removal of ovarian cyst. of course i have been de facto hospital caregiver. all i'm thankful for is that she's recovering quite well and we're home just in time for christmas

a must have

2007-12-06T01:09:00.000+08:00

i learned about greg behrendt when i first saw him on the oprah winfrey show. yes, i am a big fan of miss winfrey and i don't think that's cheesy. i think the book that he co-wrote with liz tucillo, he's not just that into you, opened so many unanswered questions of women about relationships and ended so many anxieties as well. greg was at oprah's show to promote the book of course. i got a copy of the book at barnes and noble months after that, at the time in my life where i most needed some dose of reality. it quickly became my bible in handling my relationships with men and how to deal with men.

back in 2005 greg behrendt visited the philippines. unknown to me we were in the same flight from san francisco bound to manila. i only noticed that he was a very familiar looking guy right next to me with a very tiny entourage who seemed important. i couldn't pinpoint who he was at that time since philippine airline flights from the united states arrives in manila very early at around 5am. i guess i was still disoriented so i couldn't decide if he was ty pennington or someone else. i shrugged my shoulder unknowingly missing the other half of the writing genius behind my "men bible". later that day i had to find out who he was by being greeted by a huge poster at greenbelt with greg's photo and appearance announcement. so i missed my big chance, but leirs was so nice that she attended the meet and greet and bought another copy and had it signed for me as a late birthday gift.

recently while browsing at powerbooks i found greg's new book and just like the first one it was fascinating. i didn't get a copy for myself yet, but i did skimmed and scanned through the book and i think every girl should have one and well every one. we at some point in our lives will go through a difficult break-up and we all need help in one way or the other. a book can help apart from friends.

the issues after

2007-12-03T20:10:00.000+08:00

the headlines today while still pertaining to the manila peninsula standoff last thursday has spawned another issue and is fast becoming more talked about than the real issue of the act that mr. trillanes committed. the unlawful arrest of media personnels that were inside the hotel who refused to leave so that they could get the best footages and at the forefront of unfolding events. while it is unlawful to arrest them as they are just doing their jobs but the truth is they really were in the way of police business. those media people are the biggest cry babies i've seen recently. it is annoying to hear their complaints when the truth is, it all boils down to the ratings war, to the best photo that could sell more papers, to the best interview, to the best footage that could bring more viewers which could translate to money for this big tv networks and newspaper publishers.

while it is alarming that those arrests could signal the start of stiffling press freedom and basically our freedom of speech but in the philippines the press people are just simply put it, monsters out to get every last bit of information they could squeeze. one example of that is what we see everyday news reporters carelessly crossing crime scenes and ignoring boundaries for them to give space to crime scene investigators, no wonder crime is so difficult to solve in this country. just like that the media people have impeded police business at last thursday's stunt of mr. trillanes. it's just annoying to hear them cry foul now when they have surely profited from what they have done and still is by headlining more of their complaints against their arrests.

trillanes, et.al

2007-12-03T14:09:00.000+08:00

there was a time that i was in awe of the courage of trillanes and his magdalo band of soldiers. during the time of the oakwood mutiny i felt that what they were expressing was for a genuine cause, but what trillanes did together with his merry band of rebels last thursday, november 29 left such a big distaste to a lot of us filipinos.

by walking out of that makati trial court he showed a big contempt towards our justice system and our country as a whole. he isn't a mere liuetenant anymore but a democratically elected senator and he could have at least showed a little respect for everyone who helped him become a senator by being a good example of a law abiding citizen. mr. trillanes should have quietly dealt with his legal problems instead of stage another stunt that would put the country in a bad light again. it is really 3 steps backward for the whole country. it makes me want to pack my bags again and leave.

i sure didn't vote for mr. trillanes but i am guessing that for those who voted for him last may 2007 elections, he is one big disappointment. he sure seemed promising but he is just showing that he is erratic, arrogant, and impulsive. a very unbecoming officer and statesman out of him. i think this serves as a lesson in voting, the primary one is never to vote for another dumb celebrity on the highest office of the country after erap and never vote someone who has once attempted a coup d' etat, they'll always be in contempt towards our way of life just like trillanes and his predecessor gringo.

The List of My Favorite Books and Authors

2007-12-02T14:48:00.001+08:00

I read a lot and through the years of reading I have chosen my favorite books by the criteria of whether it is worth reading over and over again. Of course it has to be well written, astonishing, universal in theme and transcending time in its subject, and the plot has to make me want more. So here is a list of the books that I have read, reread, and plan to reread. In the course of time this list will grow longer and I will take the time to add as I go reading more books.

Fiction:
1. The Hours by Michael Cunningham
2. That Old Ace in the Hole by Annie Proulx
3. Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger
4. White Oleander by Janet Fitch
5. What We Keep by Elizabeth Berg
6. Memoirs of a Geisha by Arthur Golden
7. A Time to Kill and Skipping Christmas by John Grisham
8. Three Junes by Julia Glass
9. We were the Mulvaneys by Joyce Carol Oates
10. Cane River by Lalita Tademy
11. The Bonesetter’s Daughter by Amy Tan
12. The Green Mile by Stephen King
13. While I was Gone by Sue Miller
14. Oxygen by Andrew Miller
Classics:
1. Emma, Sense and Sensibility, and Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen
2. Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte
3. Christmas Carol, Nicholas Nickelby, and Oliver Twist by Charles Dickens
4. Winter of our Discontent, East of Eden, Red Pony, and The Grapes of Wrath by John Steinbeck
5. A Farewell to Arms and Fiesta: The Sun also Rises by Ernest Hemingway
6. Siddharta by Herman Hesse
7. The Good Earth by Pearl S. Buck
8. Washington Square by Henry James
9. The Age of Innocence by Edith Wharton
10. The Count of Monte Cristo by Alexandre Dumas
Non-Fiction:
1. Angela’s Ashes and ‘Tis by Frank McCourt
2. Travels with Charley by John Steinbeck
3. Geisha, A Life by Mineko Iwasaki
4. Adrift by Steven Callahan
5. Girl Interrupted by Susana Kaysen
6. To War with Whitaker: The Wartime Diaries of the Countess of Ranfurly 1939-1945
7. A Monk Swimming by Malachy McCourt
8. Black Hawk Down by Mark Bowden
9. Seabiscuit by Laura Hillenbrand
10. The Kennedy Men by Laurence Leamer
11. Stolen Lives by Malika Oufkir
Children’s Literature:
1. The Giving Tree by Shel Silverstein
2. Daddy Long Legs by Jean Webster
3. Guess How Much I Love You by Sam McBratney
4. The Watson’s go to Birmingham by Christopher Paul Curtis
5. The Wizard of Oz by L. Frank Baum
6. The Harry Potter Series by J.K. Rowling
7. Anne of Avonlea by L.M. Montgomery
Chick Lit.:
1. In Her Shoes by Jennifer Weiner
2. Le Divorce by Dianne Johnson
3. Bridget Jones’s Diary and Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason by Helen Fielding
4. I don’t know how she does it by Allison Pearson
Self-Help:
1. He’s not just that into You by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tucillo
2. I Kissed Dating Goodbye and Boy meets Girl by Joshua Harris
3. Making Friends by Andrew Matthews
4. The Essential 55 by Ron Clark
5. Life Lessons Learned while Shopping by Amanda Ford

As for Filipino Lit. I love F. Sionil Jose. I haven't read any of his works that I didn't like. So far I have read Po-on, Tree, Mass, The Pretenders, My Brother, My Executioner, Gagamba, Ermita, and Viajero. All of these novels I absolutely was in awe of. There is one book by Nick Joaquin that I was able to read and it was a superb experience. It was a biography of Dr. Jose Rizal that Mr. Joaquin was commissioned to write during the centennial year of Philippine Independence. I was able to borrow a copy from James, a college classmate whose aunt, Laarni Enriquez got a copy from Malacanang Palace as a giveaway. From that book I know one of these days I am supposed to start reading more of Nick Joaquin's works.

christmas wishlist and gifts giving

2007-11-26T12:47:00.000+08:00

recently i have been asked if i have a christmas wish list. while i have made a wishlist and have posted it in this blog some months ago; i have specifically stated that those things weren't exactly what i expect to be opening this christmas or in any other occassion that may require me to open a present. there are two things in my christmas wishlist this year, i want to be surprised by what i will receive and i want to feel that the gift was given some thought before it was given to me. i want gifts that are given to me that either reflect how the giver perceives me or i want the gift to reflect the personality of the person who gave it to me. gifts are meant to amaze and sometimes astound but gifts should never be anticipated. i want that element of suprise, that spirit of amazement, and even the suspense of what i will be opening so please to everyone who is thinking and will be giving me something this christmas, give it some thought as i will also try my best to do the same with what i will be giving.

i know that the holiday gift giving causes a certain exasperation and frenzy. christmas has been so commercialized that we tend to give gifts and forget the meaning of why we do give. the spirit of giving stems from the fact we too have received the gift, the most important of all, the gift of a messiah. so pause and feel the essence of that. sometimes the best gifts are just life saving. it could be that one book that could change one friend's life, that recipe with the ingredients in a basket that will later turn out to be her signature dish, or it could be as mundane as an eraser. it's always the thought that counts not the gift.

the sexiest man alive

2007-11-17T00:58:00.000+08:00

finally after years of anticipation, my favorite hollywod guy is the sexiest man alive of 2007 by people magazine. after years of playing runner-up to pals george clooney and brad pitt, matt damon is this year's sexiest man alive. i have been in awe of matt damon eversince i saw him in "good will hunting" and him winning the oscars for best original screenplay together with college friend and fellow actor ben affleck. i will have to grab a copy and save it for the scrapbooks later! hehehe!

josh groban on a linkin park song

2007-10-23T00:46:00.000+08:00

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it was rather interesting to see this on youtube.

tagapagtanggol ng kalikasan

2007-10-23T00:24:00.000+08:00

i try very hard to temper my opinions in my blogs. i'm quite careful on what i express since web logs are quite public. i don't want what i write in my personal glorification page in the world wide web to haunt me in the future. i think the only other time, except for this blog that i am writing here, that i became quite strong to express my conviction was in a post in my friendster blog about tibet and the railways that china built there. i guess it is just irritating to me and i do feel quite strong about this that i am going to post what i think.

i like manny pacquiao. i watch his fights on tv, i cheer for him, and i am always delighted everytime he wins and gets disappointed for him when he losses. recently though back from his big fight in las vegas, he started being called "tagapagtanggol ng kalikasan". to start with he's no al gore or leonardo dicaprio or even brad pitt that had very strong statements about saving the environment and he's not even close to those scientist who won this year's nobel peace prize who tirelessly worked for global warming awareness. leonardo di caprio produced a documentary about global warming and he lives his life in a very eco friendly way, one example is driving the very cool hybrid prius. brad pitt has a program that created the first 100 houses for katrina victims that are energy efficient and eco friendly. as for mr. al gore who hasn't heard of "an inconvenient truth"? those scientist studied facts, went to study the ice caps and glaciers and even deserts to study ecology and the global warming effects. what did manny pacquiao do plant a few trees for a photo op just after being the so called defender of nature? manny lives a life that creates so much carbon footprint. motorcades to welcome him, a very obvious gas guzzler of a porsche cayenne, a private jet to fly him to general santos city, an entourage of a gazillion escort vehicles, and my list could go on. if only manny pacquiao could adapt his celebrity lifestyle to something that creates a tinier carbon footprint in this planet and maybe when he does start going around in a hybrid i might that believe that he really is more than the "pambansang kamao" and is the "tagapagtanggol ng kalikasan".

kimi raikkonen

2007-10-23T00:04:00.000+08:00

while i am very happy that ferrari won the 2007 constructor's championship and kimi raikkonen bagged his very first career championship driving for the ferrari team, i can't help but be a tiny bit disappointed over lewis hamilton's loss in all these. everyone that knows me, knows that i am a big fan of formula one, and everyone who knows me also knows that i have been a ferrari fan for as long as i could remember. then why the disappointment over lewis hamilton who drives for mclaren-mercedes?

i like lewis hamilton, he has had one of the most sensational rookie starts ever. he is phenomenally talented and he lived out the hype that surrounded his very first season in formula one, he proved to be worth all the buzz. he became the first man of color to drive for a formula one team, he's quite young around 21 years old, and for the whole season he was just consistently driving well and finishing in the top three.

while i don't feel like lewis got robbed of this year's driver's championship, i still feel sad and i still wonder how sensational it would have become to have the first ever rookie to bag the driver's championship. it's true that yes he still has next year and a lot more years to get not just one but a lot more wins. i am just thinking what if lewis won in one of the tightest race ever for the much coveted formula one championships, in one of the most controversial and scandalous season of formula ever?

still my glee and delight for kimi, and finally after all these years.

keeping us online

2007-10-04T17:05:00.001+08:00

i would always get that quizzical look with a raised eyebrow and a slight look back on the pc screen when my mom passes by me while i am glued to the pc screen. i know she would never understand how my siblings and i could be glued to the pc for hours since her online experience would only consist of checking emails and replying to them and that's about once a month or when she gets an urgent text from one of her friends on why she hasn't replied to any of their emails yet.

so what does keep us youngsters online? in my personal online routine instant messaging is first whether or not i would want to talk to someone or not i log onto my yahoo messenger and check who among my friends are online. then of course i would get pop up messages of how many emails i have received so then i automatically click on it and check my emails, delete spam, reply to some, forward chain mails, and write some friends whom i might just think of sending something more personal. if in any of my email newsletters send something interesting i would click on the links and check it, or if i'm in the mood i would click on the any of the new york times' news article for some dose of much needed current events. of course i do own own five email addresses and registered to receive a whole lot of newsletters and spam. it's a bit sad to realize that no matter how many people are in my online addressbook, the only thing closest to being personal getting sent or received is a forwarded email. on some other window i would also be logged onto friendster or flixster or some other other social networking site that i know i have registered but i have to admit its mostly friendster everyday. i would be online also sharing my thoughts and my wit on my online community message board, girltalk. then there's blogging, i have two blogsites and i know i haven't been the most conscientious blogger lately but i do check my blogsites daily contemplating on whether i should write what's on top of my head or wait for something more profound to write. after my online ritual i would simpy check out sites that i have read about or read someone elses blog from friends' blog to the a-list bloggers that seems to be the talk of town. occassionally i would take online personality tests or iq tests claiming to be phd certified from tickle.com and getting tickled in the process after reading the result that i am a superior human being, well that is according to tickle.com results of course.

the simple act of being online is work in itself, a daily ritual, a way to communicate, and a way to be entertained. it's all out there in world wide web. the idea of being connected in one package. it could take a minute or the whole day to be online because of the need to be connected. while the internet has shrunk the world for all of us communication wise, we stay online longer because we want to connect more, the innate human need to personally interact could never be satiated by our newest means of connection. when we do go out we don't make connections with our world or the other people around us, like maybe during the time of our parents when they made real connection, beacause we are too absorbed to ourselves so we go back to our little cocoon and try to connect again in a different way wanting more, so we stay online.

reading then blogging

2007-09-20T01:03:00.000+08:00

usually after reading great literature, i will be inspired to write, whether blogging or something more personal that gets inked into my leather bound journal, i would want to write being in the inspired state. i have read three great books for the past month. i have finished emma by jane austen which i have decided to be my favorite in all of jane austen's work, wuthering heights by emily bronte and while i was gone by sue miller that doesn't even include my side reading like newspaper and magazine articles. that was three really great works of literature, well written, critically acclaimed, good read, and should have been great sources of inspiration to write and most especially writing a blog but no i was slacking on the writing part. i made a feeble attempt to talk about bourne ultimatum on my friendster blog. i wanted to talk about it but not make a review since putting a review would have been stale by that time, irrelevant. i was happily tapping on my keyboard when my pc screen froze. so there goes my blog entry, gone since friendster blogs doesn't automatically save blog drafts like blogspot does. so i made another feeble attempt to try and rewrite it after i had restarted my pc but then the vibe of writing was gone, the flow of ideas gone "pfft" and so i checked my blogs two blogs recently and i was so sad that my last entry in my friendster blog was in july and in my blogspot august.

i had about a liter of iced tea for dinner, i don't drink coffee so when i need a caffeine boost i take something else like iced tea, i forced myself to sit down infront of the pc, tap the keyboards and blog something decent. i had quite a few ideas, one was post videos of my current favorite tv ads and talk about them, at the same time post what is in my opinion the worst tv ad out there and talk about why i hate it. but then i decided against that, i will save that for later though. i want me to write something, to talk about something, and to practice on my writing. placing video clips would be glossing over my purpose. although i have to say this is mediocre, it is a consolation though that i managed to write this one.

birthday blues

2007-08-02T00:03:00.000+08:00

so much for mellowing and less drama on the verge of my birthday. i woke up the day before my birthday feeling drowsy, the whole room spinning before me and sweating profusely. i thought i was dying, see the drama forming in my head right away. i spent the entire day dozing on and off, complaining about how bad i feel. my mom didn't even bother to ask me whether i want to go to the e.r. she just said that it's normal for me to feel down or low as my birthday is near. the moment she said that i felt like she aced how i felt exactly. i had a suspicion that whatever physical pain i am going through was psychosomatic, i am just having another anxiety attack. this one much worse than previous years and this one didn't go on weeks before but on the day before. not as excruciating by dragging the sinking feeling of getting a year older at a longer span of time but this one took me by surprise as it was very physically painful.

wishlist

2007-07-30T14:46:00.000+08:00

1. here's to not leaving anything to chance. loosing luggage on any trip is such a hassle. the coolest thing that i've come across is this bagtag and bag stickers. it works by creating an owner's database in the internet for owners of this handy things.

2. my absolute source of comfort and delight. i love how godiva made such delicious hot chocolate mix. my absolute favorite is the milk chocolate variant. i am already dreaming of this now especially that it is raining. i remember hoarding canisters when i was in the states as this isn't sold in the philippines.

3. there's something about feeling so feminine when wearing a dress. i love dresses and i can't get enough of them.

4. i have been curious about lemony snicket's series of unfortunate events. i haven't gotten a copy of any of the thirteen books though i have scanned and skimmed through its pages at the bookstore. the picture below is the boxed set of the complete series.

5. although i already own the complete seven books of the harry potter series. i still would like to get the british version of all the seven books. selfish and very obsessive but i think it is very reasonable when being a true fan.

6. i have been hooked to this products. my mom and i wanted to tried it out when we saw it at rustan's supermarket and i have become a fan.

7. i'm in search of what phone to buy and this one has really been helpful. it's between the blackberry, the palm treo, and the not yet available here in the philippines iphone.

8. when i first saw this digital camera on an internet ad in yahoo, it was love at first sight. although the nv7 is a lot sleeker looking and a whole lot more feminine in size and looks but i think i prefer this for the features.

9. this is every bookworm's dream. a carry all the books i want minus the weight. this is called an illiad reader. can accomodate thirty books at a time. very great to carry around especially on that lazy beach vacation.

10. this is my part of being earth friendly in a fashionable style. anya hindmarch designed this canvass supermarket bag available at wholefoods. it is sold in limited numbers and has caused quite a craze.

posting this dosn't mean that i expect to be opening any one of these as either birthday present or christmas present. i am merely exepressing what to me is cool. i actually think that what we want even the superficial want of material things expresses our personalities.

birthdays

2007-07-27T12:48:00.000+08:00

this photograph was taken last sunday, july 22, 2007 during a small gathering for lei's 16th birthday. everytime she celebrates her birthday, it's a reminder that mine is just around the corner. then my anxieties of turning a year older starts again although i have to say that this year somehow it has mellowed like the rest of my attitude and outlook in life. instead of being cynical and pessimistic i have become more hopeful. i guess my love for rock and alternative music is the only aspect in my life that hasn't mellowed. i just have this thought though, i think i am too young to start mellowing or does turning on to the late 20s category come with this change?

new blog on a new site

2007-06-11T14:50:00.000+08:00

everybody in my friendster list probably knows that i keep a blog on my friendster account so why bother with a new one? i ended up creating this blog when i logged into my friendster account a couple of weeks ago and my friendster blog was inaccessible. that pissed me off as i was itching to write a blog about moving back to manila. i wanted to make an announcement that i have moved back to the city after seven months in guisokan, sinadangan, zamboanga del norte (the middle of nowhere). the idea of writing a blog has drained away by the time i clicked the link to blogs in my friendster account and suddenly being asked if i want to create a blog and not being routed to my blog. i know friendster does end up with technical glitches quite often and people like us who use their free service should just contend with it. but sometimes when you really want to write and creative juices are flowing (as if!) and something like that happens the it sucks big time.
so here i am now in my back up blog writing my first post. i hope i could have enough to keep up with two blogs though. we'll see! :)